


Really, I Loved You

by yonderingly



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Acts of violence, Angst, Boy x boy, Fluff, Gay, Homophobia, Hyunho - Freeform, LGBT, M/M, STAN STRAY KIDS that’s all i have to say, honestly there is no in between lol, i fight for the gays in this one, mentions of drinking, minsung - Freeform, skz - Freeform, stray kids - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 08:41:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18961774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yonderingly/pseuds/yonderingly
Summary: Loving Minho was hell, but if that was what fate wanted for them, then bring it on, baby — because Jisung was more than ready anyways.





	Really, I Loved You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [celestial_nights](https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestial_nights/gifts).



> hello, welcome to my second minsung fic! just some warnings before you guys start reading:
> 
> THIS STORY WILL INCLUDE: acts of violence, mentions of drinking, use of foul language, and homophobia.
> 
> i hope you guys (who choose to stay and read) will enjoy and really like this fic. i worked hard on it for the past 3 weeks, but please do not let it stop you from correcting my grammatical errors. happy reading!

Jisung realized he loved Minho the day Hyunjin told him they were dating each other.

It was the summer before senior year. The news came up in the middle of a conversation — Jisung was lying down on his brother's bed as Hyunjin was slumped upon his desk chair, eyes boring holes at his bedroom ceiling in boredom.

Jisung had entered his brother's cavern after taking note that Hyunjin had devoured the last box of Cheerios in the pantry, and so Jisung had flopped on his bed and annoyed the hell out of him to buy some groceries and restock his Cheerios supply. Hyunjin merely laughed at him, and that was when the news broke out.

"Hey... have I told you about my situation with Lino?" he started.

Jisung's mind went black at the mention of Minho's nickname, so he ended up staring at his brother for a moment before he was able to utter a word out.

"No."

"Oh, uh, _well—_ we're dating." Hyunjin scratched the back of his neck and twirled around his desk chair to face away from his sibling. Jisung, however, had his mouth wide open. "Figured you might want to know."

"Yeah...." Jisung said unconsciously, his mind still not processing the thought of his brother dating his high school crush. He shook his head, snapped out of his reverie, and cleared his throat. "Oh, I mean, _congratulations._ I... I really saw it coming."

Hyunjin spun right back to his original position. He had a massive grin on his face, and Jisung did not know whether to reciprocate his expression or not.

"You did?"

_Screw it._

Jisung chuckled and forced out a smile, although a part of his chest ached.

"Hell yeah. Everyone did."

He then looked up at Hyunjin, and his brother stared right back at him. Jisung felt his stomach churn at how happy he looked, and for a second there, he almost felt guilty for telling him a lie.

"Thanks."

Then silence fell right after that. Jisung figured that he should stay for a while and let the conversation die as to not seem suspicious for dashing out of the room in a haze. His tears were about to fall and his nose was already getting runny, but he quickly turned away from Hyunjin to wipe them off.

Then suddenly, his phone rang.

"Mom's calling," Hyunjin said, his eyes falling onto Jisung's smartphone as the all-too-familiar ringtone of his mother chimed. "Pick up."

_Mom, I owe you one._

"I will," Jisung said and stood up, relieved that he found a way out of the situation and got ready to leave. He was one step out of the room when he remembered the main reason why he decided to pay Hyunjin a visit. "Hey, don't forget about my Cheerios, okay? I'll be expecting five more boxes in the pantry when I get back."

Hyunjin let out a groan and Jisung left his room with a giggle. He then dashed to his own, lowered the volume of his smartphone, and tossed it carelessly on his desk as he buried his face into his pillows and screamed.

His expression changed fast, and he was practically crying by the time his face hit the pillow. What he said earlier was a big fat lie, and it was completely on the spot. The announcement was just so sudden and in _no way_ did Jisung ever see their relationship coming, but he guessed it was just him who stayed oblivious. And he felt pathetic as fuck.

He felt pathetic for so many reasons. For one, his conscience knew he had no chance to be with Minho, but Jisung was a _dreamer_ — an angsty seventeen-year-old with a wild imagination and a fuckton of hidden fantasies. He had created a different world wherein he starred as the main character and everything he ever wished for came true; and one of those wishes was to be Lee Minho's.

Of course, it was all dreamland, but as the saying went, _"a man could dream"._ Even if he was holding onto false hope and getting blinded by his own fantasies, he still enjoyed the made-up situations that constantly popped in his head, because believe it or not, it became his main source of happiness.

For two, he felt pathetic for crying. It was only when he was spurting out tears that he realized how much Minho meant to him and how much stronger his feelings have gotten. He had a number of crushes before, both on boys and girls, but he had never cried over them whenever he got rejected. So when he cried over the boy, he knew his feelings were real and should not be played with.

When did he start liking him again? He remembered it to be during the first year of high school, but they met before the school year started in summer camp. He had just been adopted and his parents wanted Jisung to be trained and his skills enhanced, so they sent him to camp along with Hyunjin.

Jisung could say that everything was going great for the first two days they were there. He had met a lot of kind people and made new friends, while Hyunjin got to explore the campsite and go on some fucked up adventures. It was then on the third day of camp did all cabins have a small interaction with one another, and luckily enough, Jisung's cabin got paired up with Minho's.

The first time Minho saw Jisung was very... _chaotic._ The boy was about to sit down on one of the logs around the bonfire when the log accidentally rolled downhill and Jisung landed flat on his butt. There were a bunch of little red ants and pointy branches at where he was sitting, so imagine the yelp he had let out when his butt made contact with the forest floor.

Devastatingly, he picked himself back up, but his calm composure did not stop the roar of laughter that his and Minho's cabin had given. He decided to just laugh it off along with the group until his gaze met Minho's at the corner of his eyes — and Jisung smiled a lot bigger after that.

Out of all the people there, Minho was the person who sparked his interest the most. He had always smiled and waved at him even though they had never talked before, and Jisung found that really nice of him to do. People could act kind to him once and never do it again, but with Minho, his presence had always been acknowledge and he felt some sort of reassurance that someone had his back.

The friendly phase of their relationship lasted for a week, until Jisung's mind accidentally drifted to the thought of dating Minho as his homesick self laid awake one night.

He knew it was weird and it was a stretch. Once again, he had never spoken to Minho before, but his mind was already wandering to different places and scenarios with him, which made him feel something in his chest that he could not explain. Deep inside, he knew exactly what he was feeling, but he shrugged it off as it could only be infatuation.

And besides, the only reason why his mind started acting like that was because of a very inappropriate game of truth and dare with the other kids in his cabin — so to clear his name, the thought of dating Minho did not come from his tiny little peanut brain, but instead, from one of the kids who got dared to ask his crush out on a date.

The picture perfect dreamworld of his and Minho's continued to live on in his head even after summer camp, and sometimes he would accidentally start daydreaming in the most unexpected places ever. He had done it during Art class, in the cooking room during Business and Trades, and even during Music class wherein he would usually pay attention. His imagination was getting to his head and he knew it was best to stop fantasizing on something so delusional, but he could not, mainly because Minho had showed up as his schoolmate two months after the school year started.

Jisung was scared to _death,_ because even if no one absolutely knew what was going inside that wild brain of his, he himself was aware of every imaginary thing he had done with Minho. He was ashamed to pass by him in the hallways and even look towards his direction because seeing the actual person in the scenarios you made up inside your head in real life was very awkward.

And at that point, Jisung could not deny his feelings anymore. It was clear that just by the sudden race of his heartbeat, his uneven breathing, the nervousness knocking the breath out of him and the stiffness of his body whenever he saw Minho, he had come to a liking towards the older and it was pretty darn serious.

And if he claimed to have liked Minho before in ninth grade, then he claimed to have loved Minho now in eleventh.

Jisung looked up from his pillow and sniffed. He took a huge waft of air and slowly breathed out, his eyes closing in the process of doing so.

He was hurt. Really fucking hurt. To have a big crush on someone whom you did not have to share with was way different than having a big crush on someone whom your _brother_ also liked. And worse, Minho was officially dating him, and Jisung could not do anything about it. Who was he to interfere with their relationship anyway?

Suddenly, a series of aggressive knocking came his way and he jumped up in surprise. He yelled out a _'What?'_ towards his brother at the other side of the door and Hyunjin instantly stopped knocking.

"Mom told me you hadn't picked up any of her calls yet," Hyunjin replied. Jisung could detect the worry in his voice and his stomach dropped. "Are you okay in there?"

Jisung huffed. He could not believe he was about to tell him another lie. "I'm okay, Jinnie. I'm just tired, that's all."

It was silent for a moment until Hyunjin said, "Alright then. Call me if you need me, okay? I'll be out buying groceries."

"Okay," Jisung responded. "Thanks Jinnie."

When Hyunjin finally left the house, Jisung let out a loud groan. He picked up his cellphone and saw that his mom was still calling him. He accepted the call.

"Hey Mom. Why'd you call?" Jisung greeted. He tried to sound as lively as possible, like he would usually sound like.

 _"Sungie, would you mind if you pick up the fabric from the company supplier right now?"_ his mother asked. _”Then come to the shop once you have picked it up. We're low on staff right now since a lot of employees already went on vacation a day early."_

Jisung pursed his lips. His mom worked as a fashion designer and was the head of a department, and Jisung could not imagine the stress she went through every single day. As much as he did not want to go out in public after his heart had been impaled like bullshit, he just could not bring himself to say no to his mother.

"Alright. I'll be there in an hour."

_"Thank you so much Sungie! I'll treat you later after work. See you."_

"See you, Mom."

Jisung sighed. At least he could get his mind off of Minho for a while.

—

Being in the same room as your crush was constricting.

Believe Jisung. It really was.

After having bought ice cream after work, he and his mom headed back home for dinner. They figured that Hyunjin was already balling his eyes out at the lack of food at home, so they walked as fast as they could. Little did they know, they would eventually run up into an unpleasant surprise.

Well, not really — it was just Hyunjin and Minho playing around the kitchen and scaring each other with whipped cream, but the sight was unpleasant for his mother. When Jisung went in the living room, he was more than horrified to see the entire kitchen area covered with whipped cream, along with the two people who had started the mess.

The couple did not acknowledge Jisung's presence for a split second, and during that one second, his heart ached once more. Who knew what they could have been doing before they arrived? Jisung did not mean to be nosy, but the thought of Minho having the time of his life with his brother and doing some cute couple shit made him upset.

As he frowned upon the thought, his mother erupted in a frenzy.

"Hyunjin!" his mom called out, and Hyunjin and Minho froze. She stood beside Jisung and her eyes zeroed in at the catastrophe they had made. "Boys! What is the meaning of _this?_ "

"We were just baking cookies," Hyunjin reasoned out, "but the whipped cream had a malfunction-!"

"What does that even mean?" Jisung mumbled to himself. His eyes landed on Minho's whipped cream-stained face and they suddenly made eye contact. He smiled at him.

 _Abort mission! I'm going to melt right here, right now,_ Jisung thought as he nonchalantly smiled back. _Is it obvious that I'm freaking panicking right now?_

Jisung heard his mother sigh. "Whatever. Let's just fix this mess," she said. "Sungie, go help your brother with cleaning. I'll be preparing dinner in a sec."

Jisung grumbled under his breath, yet he still obeyed. Ten seconds later, he was already equipped with a rag and a spray can of water at one corner of the room. Hyunjin and Minho followed after him and got to cleaning at their own area.

They were having a conversation but Jisung did not engage. He guessed he did not have the energy to talk after a long day of helping out at his mother's workplace, and maybe it was also because of the awkward tension between him and Minho, so he remained silent and focused on cleaning his side.

He had cleaned a pretty large area so he started to slowly inch closer towards Hyunjin and Minho's side of the kitchen. Jisung noticed how softer their voices have gotten, so he knew that it was something that they did not want him to know and he respected that. He got most of the whipped cream out of the kitchen counter when he picked up a few words that have been exchanged between Minho and his brother.

"So, when do you want it to be, then?" Minho asked. He scrubbed the dirt off the stove like a madman, as Jisung took note of, and wiped his forehead sweat off with the sleeves of his sweater.

"Hmmm... Next Friday?" Hyunjin responded after tossing the whipped creamed rag in the sink and grabbing a new one. "Mom might need me at work this week, so Friday is the safest day we could go."

Jisung did not mean to eavesdrop, but he became suspicious. He raised an eyebrow. Go _where?_ He instantly thought it to be a date that they have not told their parents about yet, or it was a secret runaway date in the middle of the night when everyone was fast asleep and the moon was wide awake.

He shrugged. It was probably the latter. Hyunjin had sneaked out of the house before when he thought he was the only one awake. Little did he know, fifteen-year-old Jisung was munching on a midnight snack at the kitchen and eventually caught his brother in the middle of his escapade. Jisung knew exactly where he was going because Hyunjin had invited him hours prior to the event — a lame high school party — and Minho just surprisingly happened to go, too. However, he declined the offer and stayed cooped up in his bedroom instead.

After cleaning every inch of the kitchen that had been whipped creamed, the three boys exhaustedly sat down on the chairs with sweat running down their faces. Minho had practically passed out on the bar stool with a dirty rag still in hand and both of his eyes were closed. Hyunjin took his sweater off at the sudden rise of the temperature while Jisung just dipped his head down on the chair and rested. He enjoyed the silence that ensued between them, but it was then broken by Hyunjin who had been wanting to say something for a while now.

"Hey, guys?" Hyunjin called. Jisung looked up at his brother and Minho cranked an eye open. They did not say anything, so Hyunjin took that as a sign to continue. "I know it's sudden, but I finally want to tell Mom."

Jisung's heart dropped and Minho looked like he was freaking out, but they had to make sure if they were thinking of the same thing first.

"Tell Mom you're... _gay?_ " Jisung slowly asked word per word and Hyunjin nodded. 

"There is no way," Minho said in a hushed tone and Jisung took that as a bad sign. "What if she's completely against it? You know the consequences of coming out!"

"She may _or_ may not be against it. Who knows? We would never know until we find out," Hyunjin said.

Minho bit the inside of his cheek. "What if she ends up abandoning you guys? I've heard from so many people that their parents hated them to guts after coming out."

"If she's against it, then we'll just let her be, I guess," Hyunjin shrugged. "I don't think she would ever think of abandoning us. She did not raise us with everything she had for her to leave us on a disagreement as stupid as that."

"Well, I hope you're right." Minho hopped off the bar stool and grabbed the seat next to Jisung. The latter jumped at how close Minho was to him, but he eased down the nerves when his mother entered the kitchen.

"Boys, is everything clean and sparkly?" Mrs. Hwang asked and Jisung sent her a thumbs up. She grabbed the apron from the hanger and hastily put it on. "Alright, stay in the living room for a while then. Dinner will be ready in fifteen."

The boys piled out of the room, but Minho volunteered to help with the cooking so Jisung was left alone with Hyunjin in the living room. After an aggressive debate over iced coffee and hot coffee, dinner was served, and they both dashed to the dining room to eat.

Jisung sat next to Hyunjin while in front of him sat Minho. After bringing in the plates of food to the table, his mother took the seat across him, and together they gave thanks.

Jisung was happily eating his meal when the table suddenly erupted into a heatwave. It had not even been ten minutes since they had started eating, but Hyunjin brought _the_ topic up that made Minho and Jisung tense.

"Actually, there's something I've been wanting to tell you," Hyunjin said after his mother had finished ranting about the old lady at the grocery earlier. Seriously, she hated her attitude. "It's really hard for me to do this, but I trust you, Mom. And I love you too."

 _There is no way in hell that he's going to out himself,_ thought, because that would mean that he would end up having to confess, too. It was written in his and Hyunjin's bro code — Rule #5: If one of them confessed to Mom, then the other has to do it, too. _And with his boyfriend at the other end of the line... He just possibly couldn't._

Jisung's eyes trailed to Minho's and they once again made eye contact. He would have squealed at the tiny gesture, but his mind could only be worried for what was going to happen to Hyunjin right now. At that point, the only thing that he and Minho could do was to avoid Hyunjin's and his mother's faces.

"I know this isn't the ideal place, but I just want to get it over with."

His mother was quiet. "Well... What is it?"

"Mom..." Hyunjin took a deep breath in. Jisung really wanted to cover his ears, but he might earn a smack from Hyunjin, so he decided not to.

"I'm gay," Hyunjin said in a whisper, but it was still loud enough for everyone in the dining table to hear.

No one talked and awaited for his mother's response.

"You are?" she whispered right back with the same volume, though she did not sound angry at all.

"Yeah," Hyunjin said, but he sounded quite dejected. Probably because of her reaction. "Are you disappointed? I'm so sorry—"

"No, no, that's not it," his mother said and Jisung and Minho looked up at her in shock. "I'm just really surprised because I didn't think you would come out so soon."

Cue to the dropping of Jisung's jaw.

 _She said_ what?! Jisung thought. Her reaction was very unexpected.

"You... you knew I was _gay?_ " Hyunjin questioned, but this time, he was laughing. Out loud. And Jisung and Minho could not help but to laugh at it, too.

"Of course I knew you were gay!" her mother exclaimed and their laughter only increased in volume. Jisung had a grin on his face now. "You're my son. Why else would I not know? I was just waiting for you to tell me."

"Well, that's funny," Jisung spoke, still clutching his stomach and covering his mouth as he continued to laugh. "I'm your son, too, but you didn't suspect anything from me."

"Oh my goodness! Sungie, you're gay, too?"

"Bisexual, actually." Jisung giggled and his mother smiled at him. He looked at Minho and he saw him looking at Hyunjin, who looked back at him.

"Hey, me too," Minho finally said, but he was embarrassed so he kept his head down. "Don't make me feel left out." Mrs. Hwang gave him a side hug and messed his hair a little bit.

"That's really good to hear, boys," she said. "I'm really happy for the three of you, but remember to keep it a secret from your dad, okay?" she warned, and her sons turned stiff as stone. Everyone knew that their dad was not exactly the most loving person when it came to gay couples, so hearing that made the brothers shit their pants. Metaphorically, of course.

"But let's not worry about that too much, alright?" she reassured, and Hyunjin and Jisung nodded, albeit still stiff. "Come on, eat! _Eat!_ Or else your food will get cold."

The topic was immediately dropped, but it still lingered at the back of Jisung's head throughout dinner. Well, who could blame him? If his father knew, he and Hyunjin would be dead.

He shook his head. Why did he have such a bad feeling about it?

—

Two weeks had passed since Jisung, Hyunjin, and Minho had come out to their mother, and to be completely honest, it was the best decision the three of them had ever made.

Their mother was all open arms and supportive of them, especially of Hyunjin and Minho who had just begun dating. Apparently, she had a lot of gay friends at work and her girl best friend in high school had a girlfriend, so hearing that come from her own mouth just made Jisung relieved.

It was 2017, the year when people started to speak up for being closeted, and as liberating as it sounded, Jisung found anxiety lying in the depths of coming out to people. He lost his parents, taken to the orphanage, and then got adopted. He had met so many people in his life and had been treated like shit, so it just made sense for him to not trust anyone so easily. The people who he only trusted were Hyunjin, Minho, and especially, his parents.

Or so he thought.

It was a Friday night when _it_ happened — his parents were out for work so Jisung was home alone. He was binge watching MasterChef out of boredom while waiting for Hyunjin to get back. Five hours earlier, his brother told him that he was going to Minho's for a cute little date indoors and had asked him a favor to open the door for him once he got back. Jisung, being the good brother he was, agreed, so he plopped down on his bed and binge watched shows on the television.

He was screaming at the contestants on the T.V. when the doorbell suddenly rang. Assuming that it was Hyunjin, Jisung hurriedly turned the television off and grabbed his shoes and ran down the stairs.

Once he got to the door, he opened it, though the sight was not what he expected to see.

"Dad?" Jisung said in surprise. His father stood in front of him with Hyunjin's hair curled up in his fist. Hyunjin looked up at Jisung and the latter got scared.

"Move," his father said, shoving Jisung out of the way and then shutting the door closed. Jisung watched as Hyunjin got thrown against the wall and landed on the floor with a thud. He saw him wither in pain, but he froze once he saw something reflective hiding in his back pocket.

Jisung inched closer to get a better look at the object, and he gasped once he realized what it was: an almost empty bottle of Soju.

 _Shit!_ he thought. _He's drunk, isn't he?_

"You fucking _rat,_ " his father spat at Hyunjin's face after picking him up with his shirt. Hyunjin battled against his grip, but his strength was nothing compared to his. His father then noticed him struggle, so he grabbed the green Soju bottle from his back pocket and hit the boy underneath him with it. 

Jisung stood behind the two in surprise, body completely frozen and mind malfunctioning at how his dad was about to hit Hyunjin with the bottle. He hated it whenever Hyunjin got hurt, so before he knew it, he was already running to his brother's safety and shielding him from the alcohol bottle.

 _"Shit!"_ Hyunjin cursed.

It happened way faster than Jisung thought — the bottle hit the left side of his head and shattered into pieces, earning a groan from him as he rubbed his head lightly. Hyunjin's eyes widened and he held Jisung close to him.

"Fuck, Jisung, a-are you okay?" Hyunjin painstakingly asked, although still quite shaken due to what his brother just did. He cupped Jisung's cheeks and removed the tiny bits of glass that stuck to them.

"I-I'm okay," Jisung choked out, but he did not seem to be true to what he was saying at all.

He then looked at his father who was pacing around the living room. His forehead creased. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

His dad stopped dead in his tracks and looked at him with his eyebrows lowered.

"You think hurting your own son and acting as if throwing a bottle at him is _normal?_ " Jisung continued to spit out. He knew he was going to get some shit for it, but he did not care.

His dad looked at him. His eyes pierced into his dark brown ones and in it he saw a killer.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, don't even pretend to be on your brother's side!" the man complained, but Jisung was bewildered. 

"I'm defending him because he's not on the wrong here!" Jisung said through clenched teeth. His patience was already running low. "You're the one who's beating us up!"

"How can you say that after your fucking brother stole my money to go out with his fucking boyfriend?" his dad said, and Jisung got surprised. He looked at Hyunjin and his eyes only screamed one word.

_Sorry._

"What?"

"Don't act so fucking clueless!" the man strode over to him and yelled at his face. "You know he's fucking gay, but you still keep up with his disgusting attitude like it's normal—!"

"Because it _is_ normal!" Jisung cried. "You people are so dumb to think that homosexuality is a sin and a curse from the gods when it's _not!_ "

He had enough. If he was going to get beaten up into a pulp by a person whom he thought was his parent figure just to fight for Hyunjin and Minho's relationship, then _fine._ No one deserved to go through the bullshit they were going through right now, so when his father suddenly grabbed his t-shirt and pinned him to the wall, he did not budge.

"It fucking is, you fool!" his dad then held his throat in a tight hold and choked him. "And stealing the money I've earned to spend it all on his ugly fucking boyfriend—"

"Don't call him ugly!" Jisung shouted with the littlest bit of oxygen he had left. He was running out of breath and he did not think his dad was going to let go of him anytime soon. "A-And Hyunjin didn't fucking steal shit, i-it was _me!_ "

Hyunjin's eyes became as wide as saucers. "Jisung, don't—"

Jisung ignored him. "It was me, _okay?_ I stole the money that you hid in your drawer! So stop accusing your own son for something he _didn't_ do!"

"Fuck, I knew it!" the man screamed. He then grabbed a fistful of Jisung's blonde hair and smashed his head right back to the wall. "It really had to be _you,_ you disgraceful orphan—"

"Dad, stop!" Hyunjin leaped into Jisung's rescue and tried to pry his father's hands off of his brother, but he was just pushed away.

"Hyunjin, don't get involved in this," he warned, and Hyunjin did not miss how his voice got octaves deeper. Hyunjin looked at Jisung's withering form underneath his father's grasp and frowned. "Go up to your room and don't come back until I say so, you got it? Or else I'm grounding you for a month."

Hyunjin did not know what to do, so he ended up staring at his brother. He looked at him in the eye and Hyunjin saw that he wanted him to follow.

"Hyunjin..." Jisung said poorly, his eyes almost rolling to the back of his head at the lack of oxygen.

"J-Just please let him go," Hyunjin pleaded. "Ground me all you want, but please don't hurt Jisung."

His dad glowered at him for a second before gazing back at Jisung's purpling face. He released his hold on his throat and he fell right back to the floor. Hyunjin rushed over to Jisung's side and held him close.

"Leave," his father said. "Get out of my house before I call the cops on you."

Hyunjin helped his brother stand back up on his feet, and he wobbled at the extra weight being pushed down on him. Jisung was still lightheaded so he could not exactly walk properly, but he mustered everything he could to talk back.

"Just promise me you won't hurt Hyunjin."

His father stared at him. Clenching then unclenching his jaw, he shouted. "I said, _leave!_ "

Jisung flinched at the volume of his voice and headed for the door with Hyunjin in tow. Before exiting, he gave his brother a hug.

"I'm sorry, Hyunjinnie," he whispered for only him and Hyunjin to hear. "If he does anything to you, call me. And don't be afraid to fight back, okay? We'll get help as soon as I've talked to Mom."

"Okay," Hyunjin murmured and he let go of his brother's embrace.

Then Jisung left.

—

Whenever Jisung looked at the weather forecast for a little heads up at what the sky would end up behaving, it was right for most of the time. So when he pulled out his cellphone from the pocket of his jeans and saw that it was going to rain heavily a few minutes later, he got pissed.

He had just run away from home and this was what he got — a bloody unpleasant weather that could probably get him sick if he did not try to find shelter for the next three minutes. He could feel the sudden drop of the temperature due to the upcoming rain and saw lightning bolts shoot across the sky in a blink, but he had already looked everywhere and there was no shelter at all.

The only things he could find were trees that grew on the sidewalk, but Jisung could not stress the glorious amount of people who had told him to never stand underneath a tree during a thunderstorm. It took him a good minute to decide if he was going to get even more stupid and take the risk because at that point, did he really have a choice? Hell no. So was he going to stand under the tree and try his best not to get wet and put his life in danger? Jisung thought he had an answer: a hell yes.

He positioned his body under a very large branch that extended throughout the outer parts of the tree and sat there like an idiot. Truth be told, he did not know what to do. In an action story, was this the time when the protagonist crashed at a friend's place and stay there for the night? Probably, but the thing was, Jisung did not have any close friends and he was too much of a wimp to ask anyone he knew, so crashing at someone else's place was a no-no.

He sighed. He leaned against the tree trunk and hummed to the tune of his favorite song as he tiredly watched vehicles pass by him. He could give his mom a call and ask her to bring him in, but the risk of her freaking out and getting a heart attack was very high, so that was already out of the question. He then thought of calling Hyunjin, but he guessed it was no use. He was probably caged in his bedroom with no way out, so Jisung was left with his last option.

He fished for his cellphone in his back pockets once again and pulled out his list of contacts. A few clicks later, he was face-to-face with Minho's contact number under a very old high school photo of him. Jisung hesitated for a while until he hit the call button, and his cellphone rang.

He chewed on his bottom lip as he watched the screen of his phone turn dark gray and Minho's name displayed on the caller ID. He did not know why he was so nervous in calling him when the boy saw him as a good friend and the kind brother of his boyfriend, but the anxiousness was there. He could hear his heart thumping in his chest with every ring his cellphone emitted, and his heartbeat only seemed to get louder when Jisung's phone screen displayed a declined call from Minho and back to said boy's contact information.

That hit a nerve in him. For a moment there, he started panicking — forehead creased at how perplexed he was and beads of sweat running down the sides of his face as he stared at the boy's contact information. He was not sure if he had disturbed him and eventually pissed him off or if Minho accidentally pressed the wrong button, but that declined call gave Jisung a mini heart attack. He touched his chest to feel his thumping heart. Yep, he did not know if his heart rate will return back to normal anytime soon.

In his startled condition, Jisung was not able to notice the pair of feet walking towards him. It was only when his line of sight became a shade darker and the pitter patter of the rain stopped pouring on him did he realize that someone was standing in front of him... with an umbrella in hand?

He looked up to meet eyes with the figure before him, and his face instantly flushed red. Lee Minho stood in front of his friend in a very rushed outfit and bed hair, yet the boy still looked gorgeous under the dim streetlights. He had his arm outstretched towards Jisung while he held another umbrella in his other hand. The younger got embarrassed and immediately stood up.

"Jisung, why the hell are you under a tree?" Minho questioned, barely seconds away from scolding his friend. Jisung's face got redder.

"I had nowhere to go," the younger explained. He hesitatingly took Minho's hand and stood back up on his feet, melting onto his warm touch and letting out a small smile at the action. He then wiped the dirt and mud away from his clothes and scooted a little bit closer to him under the umbrella. "I should ask you a similar question. How did you find me without answering my call?"

Minho shrugged. He put one hand in his jeans pocket and started walking down the sidewalk with the blonde beside him. "Lucky guess. With a tinge of panic."

Jisung chuckled. "With a tinge of panic?" he repeated.

He turned his head towards Minho and saw him bring his hand up to his face. His eyes widened, and before he could slap his hand away, Minho had already flicked his forehead with his forefinger and thumb.

Jisung hissed in pain and touched the exposed skin. "Hey! What the hell was that for?"

"Uh, hello? Hyunjin called me in the middle of the night and was panicking because you _”ran away from home"_ as what he had said." Minho glared. Jisung got scared at how deadly he looked. "So I pulled out a Sherlock and decided to find you. Are you okay?"

"Excluding that very unnecessary flick on the forehead, yeah," Jisung responded as he rubbed the bit of skin that was starting to color red. That was _really_ not what he was expecting to get after running away from home.

"Jisung," Minho started, and said boy stiffened.

"Yes," the younger answered, "I'm okay."

His friend let out a sigh. "Good. If you weren't, then I will have to hear your brother ramble for _hours._ And heaven knows what shit he could say to me if I had failed finding you." He jokingly shook his head to try to look disappointed, mimicking the expression Hyunjin would have if he really had lost Jisung.

"Hyunjin is a cutie, but he's a mad cutie," Jisung stated and Minho laughed at the comment. He nudged his side lightly. "Anger him and he will hate you for eternity."

That was true. Hyunjin earned the title of being an emotional and sensitive human being, but Jisung nor Minho minded. He just got angry and pretty darn emotional fast, so get on the boy's nerves and a brick will be flying towards you in a matter of seconds. If his boyfriend had failed finding his brother, Hyunjin might as well get another brick to throw at someone's face. Not on Minho's, of course. His face was too precious for that.

"Hey, you laughed at what I said," Jisung teased. "That means you agree."

"I do." Minho smiled and oh shit, Jisung melted again. "Even if he's the clingiest and whiniest person in the world, he still has my heart."

"That's cute," Jisung said, although a bit absentminded. He did not really hear what Minho said because he was way too caught up by his side profile. Getting that near him was a dream, so Jisung took the chance to examine the features of his porcelain face. And holy hell, was he breathtakingly beautiful.

"What about you?"

Jisung snapped out of his daydream and gave Minho a puzzled look.

"Huh?"

"Who's the person who owns your heart?"

He gulped. People had asked him who the 'special someone' was before, but the special someone _himself_ had never asked. It was going to be awkward. Jisung could already feel the tension setting before them.

"Uhh..." Jisung trailed off and looked away. Minho got suspicious so he tried again.

"Is it someone I know?"

He bit his lip. If Minho knew he liked him, then he would definitely get his ass beaten by his brother.

"Heck no," Jisung denied, but Minho's suspicion rose even more. "I don't like anyone right now. If I do, then it will most probably be a hot celebrity."

Minho giggled. "Right, of course. The gay in you just keeps jumping out."

Jisung laughed, although a little too hard because he was able to dodge the question smoothly. Or so he thought. Minho still had his suspicions high.

"It always does," he said. "Speaking of... _gay..._ has Hyunjin told you what happened earlier?"

Jisung watched as Minho's grin faded away into a grimace. He shook his head and urged him to go on.

"What happened?" Minho asked. He saw Jisung's smile falter, similar to how his did. "You don't have to tell me right now if you don't want to talk about it."

"I don't want to," the blonde said, "but it's for the best if I do. And you deserve to know."

"How am I deserving?"

"Because you're a part of it."

Minho gulped. He really did not have a clue on where their conversation was going, but he remained quiet and just followed Jisung. They then found shelter at a nearby convenience store, so they decided to stay there until the rain was much calmer.

Jisung entered first. He immediately ran to the chips aisle and started ransacking the entire row of junk food, a new chips bag going into the metal basket per second, until Minho cleared his throat and stopped him.

"Mr. Han Jisung, did you even bring your wallet?" Minho asked and Jisung stopped in the middle of grabbing a family-sized bag of sour cream Ruffles. He was having a good time teasing the younger that their previous conversation left his mind immediately.

 _”No,"_ Jisung said, dragging the 'o' sound in the word as he slowly dropped the bag of chips into the basket, "but you love me, right?"

Minho gave him a "do I fucking look rich to you?" face before Jisung pouted and grabbed his arm. He wiggled his arm around while holding on to his shirt and begging in the cutest way possible.

"Minho, please?" the younger pleaded and Minho gave in. Jisung knew he was going to end up buying it because Minho was just that kind towards him, but he did not expect him to give in so soon. He thought it was because of the weather that made him ten times kinder.

"Okay, fine." Minho bent down to grab the metal basket and Jisung squealed. That might had been the nicest version of Minho that he had met. "Want anything else?"

"You're asking for more?" Jisung questioned. Of course, that was a joke. He did not want Minho to spend half of what his wallet had just for him alone. Jisung was hungry for food, but he had manners. He just really liked to tease him. "Well, if you say so."

Minho's eyes got larger at what he said and Jisung snickered. Minho always turned to the most adorable person whenever he's shaken.

"Oh come on, I was just kidding," Jisung nudged his side. "I don't want to empty your wallet _that_ fast. I would do it slowly. Here, I'll carry it for you instead." he snatched the basket away from Minho's grasp and walked towards the cashier.

After fully paying for the snacks (and Minho getting frozen at how much longer the receipt was than expected), both boys sat on the plastic chairs near the entrance and started to devour what they just bought. Well, it was more of Jisung who ate, since Minho had already eaten dinner before getting there, so half of the time, he just watched him eat.

Then suddenly, he remembered what they had just been talking about before they got there. Minho gulped and slowly tried to transition their talk towards the drama between Jisung and his father as subtly as he could.

"Hey, weren't we talking about something else earlier?" he started and at the same time wanted to punch himself. He told himself that he was going to be subtle, but this just was not it. It was nowhere near subtle.

Jisung looked at him with a mouthful of sour cream Ruffles chips. "Oh, yeah. Sorry." he looked away from Minho and swallowed, earning a hearty laugh from his friend.

"Slow down, will you? You might choke," Minho warned. Jisung faced him again and gave him a thumbs up.

"Okay, so about that thing earlier..." Jisung trailed off and cleared his throat. "Where do you want to start?"

"From the very beginning."

Jisung sighed. "Alright. You're in for a ride, then."

For the next twenty minutes, all they ever did was talk about the incident that occurred earlier, starting from Hyunjin's very unexpected coming out that dragged Jisung and Minho to do the same. Their talk was going pretty smoothly — Minho tried his best to cheer Jisung up whenever his story hit rock bottom and got emotional, which the younger really appreciated.

"He hit me with a bottle of Soju," Jisung said as he rubbed the area on his head which his father had hit.

Minho's jaw dropped. "He hit you with a _what?_ " he repeated.

"With a bottle of Soju," Jisung answered.

Suddenly, Minho stood up and strode over to the ice cream section and grabbed two ice cream packets. He paid for it and ran back to Jisung and handed him one.

"Whoa, what's this?"

Minho shoved the ice cream towards Jisung and opened his packet. "Put that on your head, dumbass."

"Thanks," Jisung muttered. He did what he was told and put the packet of Melona ice cream on his head. At least it was his favorite ice cream brand.

"That was harsh of him to do," Minho said after a few seconds of silence. Jisung did not say anything and just nodded. He thought he might cry if he ever did open his mouth. "I understand why he did it, but he shouldn't have beaten you up like that."

Minho slowly stretched his hand out and patted Jisung's head. The younger looked at him confusedly and pouted. He just could not do that after treating him to a late night convenience store shopping spree. He really pulled some of Jisung's heartstrings right there, and the pounding of his heart was too much that he shied away and turned his back away from Minho.

Said boy chuckled. "Hey! Go back! I was just having a good time patting your head." Minho grabbed the stool on which his friend was sitting on and spun him right back to where he originally was. "Okay, now that you're back, continue with your story."

"But it's done," said Jisung. "It's finished. After he hit me with the bottle, he told me to ran away, and I did. Mother Nature decided to cry with me so it rained. And that's how I ended up under the tree."

"Oh." Minho pursed his lips together. "Well, are you okay?"

"If you want an easy answer, then it would be a no," Jisung said. He was sensitive and a crybaby, but he did not let it show unless it was too much. He thought about what happened earlier and it hit something in his chest. He had never felt so unloved before and it hurt. Even more than when his five-year-old self understood that he no longer had any biological parents.

He started to tear up, but Minho saw it before he could even let the first tear spill from his eyes.

"Ahh, Jisungie!" the older whined and pulled his friend to his chest. Jisung got surprised by the action, but he let Minho do what he wanted to do and just melted into his arms. He rubbed Jisung's back comfortingly and patted his head for extra measure. From the corner of his eye, he could see the convenience store employee looking at them weirdly, but he could honestly care less. "It's okay to cry, but you have to remember that this will only help you ease the pain, okay? We'll find a way out of this together, Sungie. You, me, and Hyunjin. You have us!"

It was nice to hear those words come from Minho himself, but the tears kept coming and Jisung did not know how to stop them. So he just buried his face into the crook of Minho's neck and cried, tear after tear of pent up rage and sadness caused by his shitty life falling from his tired eyes.

"I promise you, this will be the last time you'll be crying in front of me. The next time you cry, it will be for something good. So cheer up, okay?"

Jisung nodded at his words. It did not stop him from crying, but it did make him feel a lot better about it.

"Minho," Jisung whispered his name softly and said boy turned his head towards him. "Thank you."

The older beamed at him and he tightened his hold on Jisung. His heart clenched. Damn, was he in love.

"You're welcome, Jisungie."

—

When Minho told Jisung that the next time he would cry in front of him was for something good six years ago, Jisung did not think it was going to be for _this._

Church bells ring for the afternoon prayer and everyone in the building freezes to pray. It's currently 3 o'clock in the afternoon and the wedding is scheduled to start an hour later, but almost half of the visitors have already arrived including Jisung.

Well, of course he needs to be early. Even if his first decision was to not go, it's still his brother's wedding, so showing up late will make him look bad and will probably sadden Hyunjin. It pains him to watch the ceremony occur in front of him, but he cannot say no to his brother, especially after everything he has done for him.

Seven months ago, Hyunjin made up his mind that he wanted to marry Minho. He proposed a month after he thought of the idea to prepare for the proposal and it turned out successfully. Jisung remembers the day his brother told him that he was engaged to his lover, and he also remembers the way his stomach churned at the news — surprisingly much similar to the feeling when Hyunjin told him that he was dating his longterm crush, and _oh boy,_ did Jisung finally burst into tears.

_"Jisung! Don't cry like that, smile!" Hyunjin said as he walked towards his brother, laughing. He had just told him about the engagement, and suddenly, Jisung started balling his eyes out, but Hyunjin found it funny. Unbeknownst to him, it was actually for another reason. "Save your tears for later, okay? For now, we should be happy and celebrate!"_

Jisung also remembers how the words he wanted to say got stuck in his throat, so he just nodded his head and cried into Hyunjin's shoulder. It has been seven months, but he still remembers every second of that revelation as clear as day, and just thinking about it sends tears in his eyes. He doesn't know how he will be able to handle the wave of emotion once Hyunjin and Minho exchange their _"I do's",_ but he shoves it at the back of his mind and tells himself that he'll just think about it later.

The prayer comes to an end and Jisung is free to move around again. He walks outside of the church and into the garden and fishes his phone out of his tuxedo's pocket. He sends a quick text to a friend and rushes over to his car to go to Hyunjin's hotel for a quick sneak-peek at what's happening behind the scenes.

The next two and a half hours come into a blur — Jisung can vaguely remember what happened at Hyunjin's hotel room and at the wedding itself (which he tried not to be emotional over) because before he knows it, he's already back at the hotel. Only this time, he's at the wedding reception and not in Hyunjin's room.

The reception is held at the ballroom and everyone in it just looks fancy shmancy that Jisung feels underdressed. A chandelier hangs in the middle of the room and the decor are in a light shade of blue, color coded with the guests' attire and the wedding cake. Jisung takes a good look at the crowd forming at the newlyweds' table only to find out that Minho isn't there. He scratches his head in question and looks over at the balcony area to see his friend leaning over the railing.

Jisung walks over to Minho and stands beside him.

"Hey."

Startled, Minho's head shoots up and Jisung's eyes meet his chocolate brown ones, the same precious ones he fell in love with years ago. His gaze softens as he sees him in the tux with the wedding ring sitting atop his ring finger. Jisung cannot deny that he looks ten times better under the moonlight — limited light, but natural glow. He looks beautiful.

"Hey," Minho waves back. He's surprised to see Jisung there.

"How's the party?" Jisung asks.

"It's really fun," he answers. "We're playing a game right now, actually, and i'm the _’it'._ How about you, though? How's the party?"

"It's okay, I guess."

Minho lifts an eyebrow. "You guess?"

"I prefer vanilla cake over chocolate cake, but since it's your... _wedding,_ it's okay." Jisung almost lost it when he mentioned wedding, but he's glad he didn't.

Minho laughs. "Thanks. Hyunjin insisted on the chocolate, but I have no control over his taste so I let him be." he hums and a question pops into mind. "Why are you here? Go back in, silly."

"Oh, uh, well—" Jisung stammers and panics a little. He frantically grabs a thin piece of paper from his suit and hands it over to Minho. He gets confused.

"Okay, now, what's this?" Minho asks as he grabs the paper from Jisung's outstretched hand. _'April 18, 2024 — 5:00 P.M.',_ it reads. "A date?"

"Yeah." Jisung gets nervous so he plays with his fingers. "On that date, go to the park near our old school. I'll be there, too."

"Why?"

"Because I want to," Jisung replies, but Minho narrows his eyes on him. He laughs. "Don't worry! It's nothing bad. Just promise me you'll be there."

Jisung holds his pinky out towards Minho and waits for the latter to chain their fingers together.

"Promise?"

Minho giggles and clenches his pinky with Jisung's, though he's still confused. He has never seen him be this serious before.

"Okay. I promise."

—

Months have passed since the wedding and Hyunjin and Minho are doing great. So many things have happened ever since Minho married Hyunjin that it almost felt like he was riding a rollercoaster ride — but nevertheless, he pushed the bad memories to the back of his head and replaced them with the good ones.

A month after their marriage, they decided to move out of their apartment and look for a new home that suited the both of them well. They ended up finding one in the outskirts of Seoul and chose to live there. Though a bit far from their parents' homes, they still find it quite nice and peaceful because nothing beats an environment like it.

It's the summer of 2024 and their anniversary is just one month away — but besides that, it's also the 18th of April, the exact date which Jisung told Minho to meet him at the park for some (as he called it) _"serious business"._

Minho arrives at the park just as the clock hits 5 o'clock and he wanders around looking for Jisung. He did not exactly state where they would meet, so he's just super lost at the moment.

He walks to the center of the park where a monument sits and waits beside the lamppost. Moments later, he sees a mop of blonde hair in the distance and recognizes it.

"Ah, hyung!" Jisung awkwardly calls out, waving his hand up in the air to catch his attention. Minho smiles and jogs towards him.

"Hey, Sungie," the older greets. He gets surprised at what he's wearing — a simple gray hoodie and a pair of ripped jeans and sneakers. He's not in his usual attire. "How have you been doing?"

"I'm okay," Jisung replies, though he seems quite off. Minho notices his behavior and gets concerned.

"Are you sure? You don't seem like it." Minho takes a step towards him, but Jisung takes a step back. He looks down at his shoes and shakes his head.

"I-I'm okay, seriously." Jisung raises his head to look at the boy in front of him and Minho jumps as soon as he sees his eyes. He's crying. "Let's just get this over with," he says and wipes the tears on his face with the sleeve of his hoodie.

"Hyung," he starts, "I know it's so _sudden_ and _unexpected_ and I shouldn't be doing any of this, but I've waited long enough and I don't know if I can keep it to myself any longer."

"W-What are you saying—?"

"Do you remember that time six years ago when we were walking to the convenience store?" Jisung asks. "You asked me who I liked, but I didn't answer."

He wipes his nose again.

"I-It was because I didn't want you to know—"

"Jisung—"

_"—that I liked you."_

Minho's jaw drops open and he stares at him in shock.

"What?"

"I liked you, hyung," Jisung forces out with the breath he has been holding. "I really liked you. A lot. A-And I think it became bigger than that and... and I started to believe that I _loved_ you and that we could end up together."

Jisung bites his lips.

"But you loved Hyunjin so I let you guys be."

"Jisung, I'm sorry—"

"It's okay," he whispers. "It's okay, hyung. I swear. It's okay. I-I wanted to confess because I couldn't bear not telling you what I've felt all throughout these years. You saw me as a true friend, but I saw you as something more than that and it makes me feel guilty."

Suddenly, he feels the antagonizing stares of pairs of eyes looking at him and he bows his head down in embarrassment. Minho notices and shields him from the people staring, then takes his hands in his.

Jisung's whole body shakes. His knees buckle and his chest feels tight. He feels like running away and just disappearing, but he can't, because Minho's hold on him is so tight that he just can't let go.

"I-I just don't understand," Minho shakes his head. "Why did it take you this long to tell me?"

Jisung grips his hands tighter. "Even though I loved you, so, _so_ much, I just wasn't going to ruin you and pity over me when you're happily in love with someone else."

Jisung inhaled.

"I wanted you to be happy, and I can't break your happiness by confessing and interrupting your love life." he blinks his tears away. "You had always been one of my closest friends, hyung! And I can't bear to see you get sad over our broken friendship and over my goddamn feelings. So the only time that I can confess is when you're already settled with Hyunjin. Your husband.

"And that way, you won't care about me anymore."

 _"Sungie,"_ Minho whines, but he looks like he's already close to crying, "did you really love me?"

Jisung nods his head vigorously, repeatedly, but his words get stuck in his throat until he forces them out amidst his airy crying.

"Really, hyung."

His voice fades, but the pounding of his heart does not.

"I loved you."

And that's how their love story ended — one person was cherishing the moments with his fated lover while the other was stuck perishing in his own fantasies and daydreams, ever wondering if he could hold the love of his life in his hands just for once. Minho was the person whom Jisung was destined to love, but he might not just be the person whom he was destined to end up with.

Jisung can curse the heavens or whatever for not letting him date Minho, but nevertheless, he's thankful that fate made them cross each other's paths. Despite all the sorrow and bitter happenings that Jisung had faced in loving him, Minho was his go-to spirit lifter when he was down and his main motivation when he was at the brink of giving up.

Loving Minho was hell, but if that was what fate wanted for them, then bring it on, baby — because Jisung was more than ready anyways.

**Author's Note:**

> aaand that’s the ending of ‘really, i loved you’! comment your thoughts on it and please do not be afraid to give your most honest opinion! feedback and constructive criticism are openly accepted. :)
> 
> so that’s it for now!! if you enjoyed this, follow me on twitter (@yoonbeans) and let’s be mutuals! i have a lot more going on there, so stay tuned! i love you all <3


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